exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
