were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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