the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I did not marry a roomba.
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