yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
