Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
You made out with two different species that night
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
