ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
