We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
