I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
