I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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