Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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