I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
