Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
