bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
my liver is dry heaving
Randomize
