everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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