Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
