you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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