Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
