ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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