im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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