The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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