he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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