I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
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