This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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