Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
