One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
