some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
