But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
