Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
