i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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