brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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