Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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