I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
