Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
