:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
