tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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