what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
