You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
