Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Randomize
