All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
He better not be in your backpack
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
