I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
