Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
He passed out mid-signature
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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