doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
