Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
