Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
