he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
