I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
you told grandpa to call you daddy
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
