Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
