I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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