i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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