FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
