and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
