toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
