he puts the penis in happiness.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
