im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
