Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
