i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
it's great music for shaving your balls
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
You have to summon your inner elephant
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
